Here

We all have them. You know, those days, weeks, months and sometimes even years when things are not going as well as we'd hoped. Of course we've also all had times of tragedy or trial or testing, or other bad "t" words, but lately I have decided that (at least for me) it's the continuous ones that get to me. Maybe I just prefer the short-lived, shocker type of trials. I'm not sure. All I know is that lately, things are wearing me down.

As many of you know, Vinny and I ended up in this town out of desperation. Not to be blasphemous, but the weeks before the move I kept telling everyone I felt a little like Mary...very pregnant with nowhere to sleep. But apparently this town is one step before the stable.

In one month we will have been here for two years, two whole years in a place we never wanted to be. In all honesty, the hardest part about living here has been that we thought it would be temporary. We just needed to have little P and then we could move on. But one thing after another keeps us here.

While I was on bed rest with P, Vinny was offered a good job...here. In July it will be two years since he started the job...here. He has already been promoted 4 times...here. He has earned a great reputation and seems to have a very promising future...here. But sadly, the most difficult place I have ever lived is...here.

At first I fought being here, and then I accepted it like a jail sentence. Then I tried to embrace it. And now, where am I now? I suppose that now I am just going to be...here. These two years have taught me that friends are nice, but unnecessary. That game night with my kids can be as much fun as a water park. That my husband truly believes in pressing forward. That things will go easier if I would stop stressing and surrender to His time line. Patience, I suppose.

So tonight, while I attempted to give myself another pep talk about the future, I realized that I have nearly wished away two years. Two years! Two years with my baby, two years with my preteens, two years with my dinosaur digger. And I remembered some wonderful things that have happened lately...here.

I watched a little boy learn about plumbing from his dad.


I gave a bath to a boy who refused to remove his shades.


I found a picture of a picture (drawn and also taken) by a boy who "hearts" his mom.


I found a note left just for me by a grateful daughter.

And I decided to try even harder to just be...here.