When the lights are out and the insomnia sets in I often find myself thinking, and not happy thoughts that's for sure. During the course of my extremely long life (sort of) there have been a few times when I have behaved, well...less than perfect. It's these moments that creep in under cover of night and keep me awake. So I've been wondering, maybe it's time I got some guilt off my chest.
One time, my older brother drew this really neat picture...and I erased the head off it's main character. Then when our parents asked who did it, I blamed my sister. Then I sat there quietly while she was spanked.
One time, I was staying with some friends while my parents went to my great-grandma's funeral. I was playing with one of the boys and tried to jump over a wooden toy couch. I missed and broke my leg. When the parents asked me how it happened, I said the boy told me he would be punch me if I didn't jump over the couch. Then I sat there quietly while he was spanked.
One time, when I was really mad at my parents, I stabbed their water bed with a fork. Then, true to form, I blamed it on my sister. Then I sat there quietly (yet again) while she was spanked.
One time, well the last week of school in 6th grade to be exact, I really wanted to be done with school and found my way out while watching Goonies. Starting on Sunday and continuing every night of the week, I mixed up fake vomit in a Mason jar, then poured it in the toilet and would call my mom to let her view it in all it's horror. Missed the entire last week of 6th grade.
One time, in 7th grade, I snuck out of the house with my friends Kimmery and Erin to meet Erin's boyfriend. Of course I lived about 10 miles out of town, and all the houses by mine were separated by miles. So we basically hiked about 20 miles (okay, 5) through some corn fields, over a few canals, and were chased by cows. I was worried my mom would find me missing, so I left a note.
One time, my friend (you know who you are) and I were going camping in Bridgeport canyon. To get into the canyon we had to cross some railroad tracks and then go under a fence and cross a condemned bridge. When we came to the tracks, there was a train. It was running but was not moving yet. We put some coins on the tracks and waited. Yep, it smashed them all right. Federal offense.
One time, well actually many times, when I would babysit for people I would snoop all through their house. Now, I set boobie traps for my babysitters all over my house.
One time, I peed in the jacuzzi. True story. It was cold out. Stop judging.
I guess that's a good start. Do I feel better? Um, not really. But there's always hope. Feel free to clear your own conscience in a comment.
9 years ago
11 comments:
I was babysitting for two kids, ages 5 and 2. I was spending the night and slept on the couch. I must have been in a deep sleep because I ended up peeing on their brand new couch. I wrote a note blaming it on the 2 year old. I never did tell them. The next time I came to babysit, they had a different couch.
I was 8 or 9 playing soccer with my sister and bunch of friends. I was jealous that my younger sister was better at soccer than me, so I slapped her across the face for no reason. She ran home crying. That still makes me sad to think about. :(
Um, I love you! You are so funny... but I TOTALLY know what you're talking about. Guilt from the past haunts me often.
On more than one occasion I told my parents I was sleeping over at a girlfriend's house just so I could stay out at a party later. Once I even came home at 4 a.m. but didn't have a key, so I threw my hairbrush at their window UPSTAIRS for 20 minutes to get them to let me in. I told them that my allergies were too bad from her cat. She didn't even have a dang cat.
*Sigh* Yeah no I don't feel much better either.
Haha I loved your confessions, very entertaining! You got some pretty serious stuff in here...all the way up to a federal offense! And I'm just wondering which sister got so many spankings...
You are HILARIOUS!! I love that generation that could spank without guilt!! Wish I could ;)
So, I relate to the blaming it on your siblings act. I was mad at David and took a permanent marker at his level and drew on a door in figures only a child his age would draw...yes, it's different observing the spankings in my brain now. Huh, David is such a nice pleasant person now. :)
I can't remember if I am the bridgeport girl...but I think we should keep that annonymous anyway, right? If they ever want you for something that could be their ticket--hard evidence, confession!
Your stories KILL ME! Poor L.A. You know... I've done some unkind things myself... or things I shouldn't have.... but you know, I just don't feel guilty. Like that time you asked how I get past the guilt of living far away... and I was like, "oh, should I be feeling bad about that?" I think you need some of my selfish influence. Move to OHio and I will open your eyes.
one time in high school the fire alarm went off and we hid and stayed inside. i was so freaked out that we would get caught but we didn't.
is there anyone who hasn't smashed coins?
Ha ha ha! Oh, you really crack me up! It's fun seeing your great blog. Email me at stephie_long@hotmail.com and I'll send you an invite to mine (if you want).
BTW, this is Steph from nursery. :)
As far as confessions, well, let's just say I've peed in a public pool more recently than I'm willing to disclose. . .
I'm going to be late to my appointment but I am laughing so hard. here is a sample HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE! Oh good read! hehe... ok I really must be going... hahha... hehe...
hilarious! You totally owe your sister some cookies or something!
in first grade i picked a juicy booger on the bus and as my friend got up for her stop i wiped it on the back of her white sweater and watched it walk away down the aisle and off the bus.
this sin weighed on me- so 2 years later, in third grade, i confessed. "remember your white sweater...." true story.
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