Enough

Last night, I was waiting for Vinny to come home from his business trip to Denver. I was lounging on the couch, looking sexy (aka: frantically cleaning and scrubbing to remove 4 days of household neglect), when I heard the dog barking like crazy. I looked out the window, expecting to see Vinny, and instead I saw an ambulance and a firetruck parked right in front of my driveway. Not a good sign.

As I walked outside, I saw my poor neighbor Chet, talking to an E.M.T. Chet and Doris are the nicest neighbors. Seriously. For example at about 9:00 a.m. on my birthday Chet knocked on our door to deliver a whole (still warm) birthday cake that Doris had made for me. He said, "My wife figured you'd need a cake since moms are usually the ones who bake." No kidding!! They are probably about 80 years old, and soooo sweet. Doris had surgery this last week and is not doing good, obviously. So she was taken to the hospital, and we are all hoping for the best.

I have been thinking about writing about this for some time now. This has been a very, very, very sad year for us, and it is only half over. Years ago, Vinny and I had a very morbid conversation about how we still had all of our parents and a very large number of grandparents as well. We were not looking forward to the time when some of them would leave us, I just hoped for some spacing I suppose.

This year, we have lost Vinny's grandmother Catherine, my great-grandmother Grace, my great-uncle Bob (who raised me as his grand-daughter), my grandmother Pattie, my uncle Neil, my close friend Adam, and our neighbor Bill. My only grandmother left was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, my mom is having a double mastectomy in a week because they found more cancer... AND I am feeling a little like there is a mass exodus of really great people from this earth. If that is the case, I suppose I am safe for years to come, but it is still getting really painful.

I know it is selfish to ask that these people stay around, and of course where they are is far better than here. But I have learned this year that I have way too many regrets to be okay with all these people leaving. Was I good enough to them? Did I care enough for them or let them know what I felt for them? No, not nearly. That is probably more appropriately where my pain lies. But for whatever reason, I am feeling a desire to cling to everyone I know. Is this just my family and close friends (if so you'd all better distance yourselves), or is this happening to anyone else? It's July, and I have had enough.