Divorce: The Gift that Keeps on Giving

Yes, that is said sarcastically. Very sarcastically. But, it is also true. Divorce is one of the few things in life that just never goes away. If you have children involved, you don't really ever "move on," you live it over and over and over. Every holiday, every birthday, every baptism or dance performance or graduation or wedding or baby born... my divorce will be a part of it all.

Fortunately, I now get along spectacularly with my ex-husband and his wife, . But that relationship has come because of great sacrifice from both of us and our spouses. We have managed to put what our daughter needs over what we wanted, and although that continues to be a struggle at times, we both seem to be pushing for that goal.

Because I struggled for so long in my previous marriage and as a single mother, and because my new marriage is better than all of yours (oh yes I did), Vinny and I often get people confiding in us about their "bad" marriage and how much they want out. I suppose that because things appear to have worked out so well for us, others think that we must now be "pro-divorce." Nothing could be further from the truth. We were both left by our spouses. I know, it's hard to believe that anyone would NOT want me around, but alas, it happened. And creating the life we now have has taken, and continues to take, tons of work.

So when Vinny started coming home from work with some startling stories, I decided to speak out. Lately the amount of people coming into Vinny's store to have a spouse removed from their account has been overwhelming. It used to be that every now and then Vinny would get a request to remove a spouse due to divorce, but lately that number has gone through the roof. He's even had a few of them remove the spouse and say, "He doesn't know I've divorcing him yet..." Ridiculous.

I am going to take a guess here and blame the economy. Money is tight, unemployment is high, retirements are gone, stress is maxed, and for some families, futures are looking pretty bleak. Marriages are being tested right now, and sadly many are failing. As I thought about this I couldn't help but think of a quote from the movie "Bride Wars." During an argument one friend says, "If I were your wedding, I would be sleeping with one eye open." Although funny in the movie, this seems good advice as far as marriages go.

I think it may be time to pay some extra attention to our marriages, to our spouses, to what really matters. Call it what you like, something is out to get our marriages, and it's efforts have just been doubled. I think it's time we all double ours. So watch your back, and tell your marriage to sleep with one eye open.