I Blame The Children

My brother Joe is a liar. For reals. Before I say anything else, that needs be perfectly clear. Now that that's out of the way, I have a story to tell.

When Joe was three years old, he was hit by a car. He was left handicapped (but still was a liar, so don't go feeling all sorry for him). Then when Joe was 25, he was hit by a car again (but continued to be a liar, so still don't go feeling all sorry for him).

If you know my family well you are probably thinking, "What! Joe was hit by a car AGAIN? How come I did not know this?" Well, ladies and gentlemen, that's because it was ME who ran him down. True story.

Stop begging, I'll tell you.

Once upon a time in a land far, far away (Salt Lake City, UT actually) my sister (we shall call her Anne) and I decided to take our brother Joe out for a special lunch together. We decided to go to our favorite restaurant, and took Anne's two kids with us. Things went pretty much normal during lunch. We had great stuff to eat and made Joey laugh basically the whole time. We got him numerous refills on his soda (he is completely addicted to soda pop but because of his seizures he gets a limited amount), so he was in heaven just eating his food and drinking his soda.

When we were done, I took the children to my van, and Anne helped Joe walk out the door. Since it was so snowy and cold out and Joe does not walk very well, I decided to back the van up to the door and pick them up. I mean Joe is nicknamed "Slowpoke Joe" for a reason. Who knew that a little snow and wind could speed him up so much?

As I began to back up, Anne's kids were fighting (this is the part where I blame the children), and I couldn't hear anything. After going about 8 feet, I heard something metal tapping on my back window. I nearly died as I looked in my rear view window. I saw Anne screaming in horror and realized that the tapping metal thing was her wedding ring as she beat her hand against the back window of my car.

Anyone else crying thinking about this again? Ugh. It was truly the most awful moment in my life. I knew Joe had been run over...again. When I got out of the car, Joe was under my van up to his shoulders, and poor little Anne was hysterical. Apparently, they had walked up directly behind the car, and when they saw that I was backing up, they just thought, "Oh, that crazy Mama. She loves to play jokes on us." Who would pretend to run someone over? Ok, so that is exactly the kind of joke I would have played on people, well before this changed my life.

Using my super-human strength, I lifted Joe from under the car and as the crowd from the restaurant was looking at me with total horror and disgust, I threw him in my van and sped away. And what did Joe have to say after all of this," Dude, where's my pop?" Of course, that is exactly like Joe.

Fortunately, when I backed up, I went straight (since I was going to swing wide and pull right up to the front door of the restaurant). Otherwise, no more Joe. And then I couldn't say this anymore,

"HAPPY 28th BIRTHDAY JOE! WE LOVE YOU TO PIECES!"

While visiting my mom in the hospital last month, I snapped these lovlies of Joe.

For this one, I said, "Look handsome!"

For this one, I said, "Look like me."

For this one I said, "Do the sprinkler dance."

For this one I said, "Look mad!" Yep, that's as mad as he gets.

Ok so great story, BUT why is Joe a liar? Well let me tell you that as well. Remember how he was hit by a car when he was three? Well now he tells everyone that, "My sister ran me over, TWICE." AAAHH! For reals, he is telling the entire world that I ran him over two times! Like once isn't bad enough. Like I said--watch your back, he's a liar.