Life Insurance

 

Vinny and I recently changed banks and therefore had to change the auto withdraw for one of our life insurance policies. It turned out to be way more annoying than it needed to be and more than once I found myself wondering if it was worth it....

"Why Vinny Needs Life Insurance" A short story by Mama Corleone.

If Vinny were to vanish, I would need to pay for:
Someone to go on midnight ice cream runs, fill my car with gas, take me and my grumpy kids to the zoo a baseball game and a movie all on his only day off, put away the laundry (cuz I NEVER), take the unruly dog on walks, kill spiders and wasps and bad guys, clean out my car when I refuse, snuggle my grumpy babies, pack the car on my trips, watch movies with me until 2:00 a.m. even though he has meetings at 6:00 a.m., love my crazy family (or at least fake it really well), watch the movie "Dugal" with me and live through it (worst ever), lie to my children about how much he loved "Dugal," give me the last brownie, give me the last Tylenol, give me the last word, take my mom and brother "Slow Poke Joe" to Disneyland, take Joe to the bathroom 4,562,149 times a day while at Disneyland, watch stand-up comedy with me and recite the best parts later when I am sad, be ok when I steal his shirts and his socks and his money, stick up for me when the kids have beaten me down, unload the dishwasher (cuz I NEVER do that either), tolerate my breakdowns and my flip outs and my tantrums, love a daughter who is not really his, bring me T.P. when I get stranded, remind me Who is really in charge of my life, roto-till the garden...er, mud patch after 6 weeks of straight rain, eat steamed zucchini and zucchini muffins and raw zucchini every night all summer, send me texts while he is sitting next to me, hitchhike through the mountains when we are stuck in the snow, cook great steaks, keep my house filled with fresh air, be nice to me when I wake him up at night to chat, teach me the rules of sports, know everything, fix my computer and my phone and my car and my mind, be my personal speller, re-balance the checkbook when I mess it up, teach my kids math (cuz I NEVER do that either...either), read Twilight and tell me he liked it, survive birthday week, say my cooking tastes good when it really is awful, do everything I don't want to, remember everything I forget, drive on all the trips everywhere while I sleep, take me to Yellowstone National Park in a wheelchair, ask for extra meat in my Cafe Rio salad because I hate it when they yell, take care of me when I am pregnant and want to die (which would indeed be a scandal since I am not married in this short story), tell me my hair is not orange when I dye it myself, buy me packs of cards on all his business trips, forgive me instantly after I yell at him for something I did, share everything with me (except bathrooms, he won't share those), clean the garage while I sit on the bed and write short stories about him, and last...I would need to pay for someone to make me feel like the most special person around.

The End

So with this story in mind, I decided to go through all the annoying paper work to make certain Vinny did not lose his life insurance, because as you can see, I am going to need a lot of money to even begin to buy a replacement for Vinny.