Donut Discussion

Today the kids and I went for donuts. It's kind of our tradition. We do it every Saturday morning that T is here...and every day that Vinny has off...and every time I feel lonely...and whenever...K has had a bad day...well, pretty much constantly. I digress.

So today as we were getting in the car, T sees my "Watch out I drive like a Cullen" sticker and that started a discussion. This is not the first time the kids had grilled me about Twilight, but it was the first time I felt, well....sort of like a crazy mom who needed some kind of Twilight rehab. Truly, I was so embarrassed by the following conversation: (contains Twilight saga spoilers)

T: What is a Cullen?
Me: It's the last name of the good vampire family, you know...Edward, Alice, those guys.
T: And they drive bad?
Me: (Wondering what he is implying about my driving...) No, they just drive really fast and crazy sometimes.
K: Yah, like in Twilight when Edward is in his gray car and spins around the corner!!
T: What kid of car does Alice drive?
Me: A yellow Porsche.
K: When does she do that? I don't remember that in Twilight (even though she has only watch about 10 minutes of it).
Me: In the next book, New Moon, Alice has to drive the Porsche to save Edward before he dies.
T: What?! He dies!
Me: No silly (if he had would I still be a fan???) You see....(clearing throat) In New Moon, Edward leaves Bella because he decides that it is too dangerous for her to be by him, you know because of all the bad vampires that keep coming around so Bella is really sad and starts hanging out with Jacob and he has all these Indian friends who like to go cliff diving, you know, just for fun and the thing is, Alice can't see Bella's future if she is with the werewolves so one day Bella jumps off the cliff just for fun and ends up almost drowning but Jacob saves her and so Alice gets all worried and thinks that Bella died, you know, because she jumped off a cliff and then Alice couldn't see Bella's future anymore so she tells Rosalie that she thinks Bella is dead and Rosalie tells Edward and then Edward decides that he wants to die too which is so stupid really because there is nothing so awful that you need to kill yourself over but I guess Edward was having a dumb moment and decided that he needed to go to the Volturi who are these really old vampires who live in Italy and ask if they will kill him because as you know nothing can kill a vampire except another vampire or I guess a pack of werewolves but the Volturi tell Edward no they won't kill him so he decides that he will just stand out in the sun and let his skin sparkle and then the Volturi will have to kill him because everyone at the party will know he is different and must therefore be a Vampire so Alice and Bella race to Italy and steal a car and drive like crazy through the hills and even on sidewalks and Bella gets out and runs through the water and slams into Edward just when he is about to walk out in the open so he is not dead but the Volturi were already there and they take them all underground and then to a kind of castle type thing and they wanna kill Bella because it is against the rules for a human to know about vampires but Alice promises to make her into a vampire really soon so they don't kill her but she doesn't become one for a while and it's not Alice who does it because Edward turns her into a vampire right before she dies, well she did actually die but Jacob kept her heart beating while Edward tried to save her, you know, after Renesmee was born and it's kind of funny cuz Edward and Jacob hate each other for like three and a half books but then Jacob falls in love with Renesmee and so they are actually like father and son in law isn't that so funny!!!?

K: ---Has her face in her hands and is shaking her head back and forth
T: ---Staring at me, mouth gaping...
Me: Soooo, who wants donuts?