I'm Not Crying....It's Just My Allergies

Years ago, I watched an interview with the director of the movie Mrs. Doubtfire. In case you don't remember, in this movie Robyn Williams pretends to be a 70ish British woman so that his ex-wife will hire him as his childrens nanny. You watch the whole dumb movie, and expect that these two will eventually get back together. Then they don't. In the interview with the director, he was asked why he did not have the parents get back together. He replied something like, "Because in real life they wouldn't get back together."

I was 15ish when this stupid movie came out, but even then I remember thinking..."Who goes to the movies to see real life?" After seeing all kinds of ridiculous movies over the next few years, I came up with a pretty firm stand on what kinds of movies I will watch. Most of you know my stand on this, and most of you have tried to get me to change that stand. I will not see any sad movie. I have not intentionally watched a sad movie in literally probably a decade. When I have, it has been under false pretenses.

I need a movie that not only ends happily, but happily for everyone who deserves it. I also need all the ends tied up nice and pretty. Bad people get what's coming, lovers get to be together, children find their parents, the weak become strong, the mean get dumped in the garbage can....See the following to fully understand: Ferris Buellers Day Off, The Goonies, The Count of Monte Cristo, Pride and Prejudice, I Am David, Fever Pitch, The Shawshank Redemption (edited of course), August Rush, Never Been Kissed, Love and Basketball, Nacho Libre, Fools Rush In, and I could go on and on and on.

Movies I think are worthless include: City of Angels, Steel Magnolias, Always, Somewhere in Time, Patch Adams, Saving Private Ryan, Armageddon, My Girl, Life is Beautiful, The Notebook, Pay it Forward....bluuuck!! Some of these actually make me angry to think about! The dumb thing is, I liked a lot of these movies, but was sooooo mad about the ending! Why would we sit for two hours just to end up sobbing? Honestly, don't we have enough sorrow in our own lives? Why on earth would I pay to cry my eyes out? I don't get it.

This next part contains spoilers for the movies Marley and Me and Seven Pounds. So look away if you are planning on seeing these movies...even though one of them is a total piece of crap that made me cry and I can't stop thinking about it and it has ruined my day probably my month and I will never be the same and nothing will ever be happy for me again and every time I see a jelly fish I will spontaneously burst into tears followed a total outburst of profanity.

That being said, Vinny and I rented two movies last night. Number 1: Marley and Me. I know (SPOILER) that the dog dies. It was sad, and yes I cried, but somehow it was not as bad as if, say...the husband would have died. My SIL Abbie had told me to see this, and did tell me the ending. But I was feeling exceptionally stable in my own life and thought a few tears could not hurt. My review-- It was a great movie. See it, even though you will cry, twice.

Number 2: Seven Pounds. I have no idea what on earth compelled me to watch a movie without knowing how it ended. I have not gone into a movie "blind" for about a decade. But, I did it. Wow do I regret it. The main character (SPOILER) actually kills himself!! I don't care what his reason was. I kept thinking, "He won't do this, something will happen to make everyone happy..." Uh, no. He dies, everyone cries. Sure, sure, he kind of saves a few people in the process, but HE DIES!!! I cannot believe that I broke my "no sad movie" streak on such a piece of hud. Honestly.

I feel like a vegetarian who unknowingly ate a whole cow. I am tarnished, forever. Stupid movie.