Little P still wakes up about 63 times a night, usually starting at 12:30 or so. Tonight, however, he woke a little earlier. I just finished nursing him and laying him back down in his bed. While he was eating, the T.V. was on in our room but the remote was...lost. So I had to watch about 20 minutes of what was on. It was "The Weatherman." Has anyone seen this? I know nothing about it at all, but something just hit me as I was watching this.
In the scene I saw, the father (Nicholas Cage) finds out that some boys were calling his daughter names at school. She was being teased because of how her clothes were fitting. Then you hear the dad's thoughts. He said something like, "This is what happens when no one is around. If I was around I could have noticed this and done something about it. " He goes on for just a minute about the path that his daughter will go down just because of this teasing...then she has no friends, then she starts smoking etc. All because no one paid attention to her needs. All because no one was "around." I have seen this happen to people. I think we all have.
Today was a hard day for me as a mother. We spend 4 afternoons a week at the local pool for swim team practice. When B is not in his lessons, he has this little gang of kids he plays with each day. He really looks forward to this and calls them all his friends.
Today as we pull into the parking lot, I notice a cop behind me with his lights on. Low and behold I am getting pulled over. So I sit there getting my ticket, a whole other post in itself, and send K in to start her practice. By the time the cop is done we have only half an hour left for K's practice. As I start to unbuckle B, he becomes totally hysterical because he promised these friends that he would bring his bionical toys, which he forgot. He starts to sob and begs and begs for me to return home and get them. It is a 15 minute drive so if I went back home and back to the pool, practice would be over and the whole reason for getting the toys would be gone. SO I force him to go inside. I tell him we can bring them tomorrow and certainly all his "friends" will understand.
They did not.
About 10 minutes after going in, I don't hear the boys anymore so I go to investigate. They have little B cornered and I hear one of them say to him, "You're a jerk! You forgot your bionicals!" Are you kidding me? Do these kids know I have a concealed firearm permit? Honestly, there was a moment there where I almost flipped my lid! So I give them my famous stink eye and pull little B away from the crowd. I can see that I have about 1 minute until he loses it, so I go down and tell K that we will meet her in the car. As soon as we get out the door, little B starts to sob. "He called me a jerk. Why? I didn't mean to forget my toys?"
I should have gone home and gotten the toys.
I am not one of those mothers who are good at pep talks. I am the mother who tells her children that the other children will certainly rot in Hell where they belong. So bad, I know. But my children are so sensitive. They have never been good at holding their own. They are not good at fighting back, not good at snide remarks, not good at being hateful. But they are learning by example, and that makes me so sad.
I am not going to teach them to be mean back, mostly because I know the real them well enough to know that that would hurt their feelings even more. Especially little B. As mothers I think we are all kind of inspired to know our children. We have known from very early that little B was beyond sensitive. He is so sensitive in fact, that he sometimes comes across as not caring at all. As he gets older, that part of him is getting more dominate and that makes me so sad. Why does he have to hide the kind part of him, to protect it, from other children? Children? CHILDREN? Do you see what I mean? What will this do to him long-term? Each time something like this happens to him I begin to worry that it will change him.
Going back to the movie. At the end of today I am wondering what little B's path will become? How will his life and personality be effected because of what others are saying to him? And most importantly, am I "around" enough to recognize his pain and stop any bad consequences? Probably not, so tomorrow we are moving to a secluded cabin in Montana far away from any other people. That's the only solution I see. See ya.
9 years ago
9 comments:
What a touching post! Give little "B" a hug from a stranger. His path is sure to lead him on to be something great because he has a mother who's aware and "AROUND". Your doing a great job! Thanks for the thought:)
**This is kind of long because nothing lights my fire more than kids bullying other kids.**
I thought about this for awhile after I read it. It made me so sad to hear about how those boys treated B. The boys were wrong to act that way, no doubt about it. I guess what makes me even sadder is the way boys are taught in this society that if you aren't macho, running around with guns blazing, then you aren't a "real man". That couldn't be further than that truth.
My advice would be validate, validate, validate that little boy that they way he feels is okay. It's okay to be sensitive and there is nothing wrong with him for being that way. That's the way he was created.
You are doing a great job as his momma. The whole time I read this I thought to myself, "He's going to make a great husband and father one day."
kids are some of the meanest people i have ever had to deal with at work and in my prior life. I think that b and k and p will all be ok because you are around and you do see them and you area a good mom. however i wonder what path those other kids lives will take because at 4 and 5 years old they are already treating other people like that. i stand by my comment at the end of my last blog. treat others how you would like to be treated and if you dont have something nice to say dont say anything at all.
oh please let us join you in Montana. My little Lori is bullied quite often at school and it kills me. I can't believe the things kids can do to each other. I just pray that my sensitive children aren't driven to suicide...morbid I know but so true.
Oh Mama! This breaks my heart! Those rotten other kids! Seriously, that infuriates me. As mothers now... I go back to OUR upbringing. Mom would have KILLED us, quite literally, if we were EVER EVER EVER like that, and rude in other ways, like staring at and making fun of handicap kids-- where so many moms just turn the other way, pretending not to notice- letting kids be kids. Shame on them. Being a mother is FULL TIME JOB! Isn't it obvious? I guess it's not to some.
Poor "B"... Sometimes I wish I could my kids in a little bubble where they will never be hurt.
So, what about the cabin in Montana??? I'm sure you were going to get around to inviting us, right?
By the way I have a check for you guys. Give me a call and let me know when I can bring it by.
You know, I think kids are by far more cruel than adults. Usually, by the time we're adults, we've learned that people will sometimes be mean or insensitive and we learn to get over it and not associate with those people if we can avoid it. Kids, however, don't recognize that everyone isn't wonderful and filled with good intentions. I too worry about all of the stuff you mentioned with my own kids. My kids aren't as sensitive as yours, but I still worry about what bad examples they will see and emulate, how other kids will crush them, etc. I think that all we can do is have good relationships with our kids, so that if stuff like this is going on in their lives, they can always feel that they have their parents as advocates and they can talk to us. Unfortunately, I think bullying has taken such sinister twists in our day. 50 years ago bullies stole lunch money and pushed kids down. Now they spread rumors and send lies about you on the internet. It's a scary place. I don't envy my kids one bit.
Sorry, this is really long. You just got me going.
Reminds me so much of a Jodi Piccoult book called 19 Minutes--very, very intense, but chronicles the life of a kid who was bullied from his first experience in kindergarten through high school.
OH MY! I had forgotten how mean kids can be! You are a fabulous mom and I am sure you are around enough. Give B a hug from us! What a sweet boy! Oh and I too would like to join you in Montana!
oh, poor little Bugsy. That makes me so sad and mad all at the same time! I know what you are saying, I have a sensitive boy too. I worry about him as he gets older, but so far things OK.
I always used those kinds of moments to demonstrate to the kids how bad those kinds of actions make people feel and to warn them never to be like that. It seems like we had more of these kinds of moments with A than M. Maybe it was a caddy girl thing.
I feel so bad for kids like that because you know that many of them are just following the example they see in their parents who haven't figured out that they are adults yet.
Follow your heart and you'll say what your kids need to hear.
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